Mark - Module 1

Hi, my name is Mark. I’m a construction worker. Nine months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. I really thought that she was “the one.” We’d been together for 3 years and I thought things were going well. Sure, we were doing the long-distance thing for about 6 months, but it was only supposed to be short-term, while I was on this contract. Then during one visit, she tells me that her feelings have changed and that she doesn’t think we’re a good match anymore. I tried to reason with her, told her that I’d get a job closer to her, but she was pretty clear that we were over.

I was devastated and took it pretty hard, initially. I was really bummed out and sad. Other days I wouldn’t feel anything at all – they are only so many tears one guy cry (don’t tell anyone I said I cry). I really didn’t want to do anything or see anyone. My sleep got all wonky. Sometimes I’d have difficulty getting to sleep, wondering what she was doing. Or, I’d wake up in the middle of the night and my brain wouldn’t shut off, again thinking about her and how I’ll never find anyone else quite as amazing. I’m still having trouble sleeping – most nights, I only get 3-4 hours. Eating-wise, I really don’t care and find that I forget to eat. Since this all happened, I’ve lost about 10lbs – when I go home, people comment, say I look tired and want to know what’s wrong. Energy-wise, everything has become a chore – even shaving and showering, some days.

I still go to work because I have to pay the bills but I call in sick more often – sometimes, it’s just too hard to get out of bed. Thinking and concentrating is hard, too. I get distracted easily and have to ask people to repeat themselves. Grocery shopping is awful, too. Before, I actually enjoyed it, looking for new things to try. Now, it seems to take forever to decide whether I want to get strawberry or blueberry yogurt. It’s pretty ridiculous. Don’t even ask me how I feel about myself. Definitely been better, that’s for sure. My friends say I should move on and start to date again, but who’s going to want to date a mess like me?

What do you think is Mark’s main problem?

1. Depression
2. Generalized Anxiety Disorder
3. Social Anxiety
4. Panic Disorder

Homework

I really do want to stop feeling sad all the time. I feel like I’ve become this pathetic replica of my old self – I almost don’t recognize myself. The first couple of goals seem reasonable…but the last one seems like a bit of long shot. Oh, well, it can’t hurt to aim high, I guess.

My 3 goals for the program:

1) Start going out with friends again – go to some ballgames like I used to (once a month)

2) Call into work sick less

3) Start dating again

Where I put goals

I put my goals up on the fridge; I figure I’m in there several times a day so I’ll see them there. I also put my Blue Jays hat out on my bedside table to remind that one of my goals is to start seeing my friends. We used to hang out at the ballgame once a month. I figure close to my bed is good – maybe it’ll help me get out of bed on those tough days.

Pros and cons of changing behaviour

As much as I’d like to change, inertia is a powerful thing. My new ways have become routine and there is almost some safety in being myself. At least this way I won’t get hurt again or find out that she really was the only one for me and now that I screwed that up, I’ll be alone forever. Here are some others that I came up with eventually.

Advantages of changing behaviour (imagine what life would like without it)	Disadvantages of changing behaviour (why you wouldn’t want to)
1) I’d be happy again. 2) I’d have a life again and do the things I enjoyed doing. 3) I might actually meet someone else.	1) It sounds like it could be a lot of hard work and I’m just so tired all the time. 2) If I start going out more, I might think of her more by going to places we used to go. 3) I think this is just how I am now – I don’t know if I can change.

Pros and cons of maintaining behaviour (not changing) or trying to change.

Advantages of keeping behaviour (i.e. reasons to keep it, how it helps me)	Disadvantages of behaviour (i.e., problems it causes me, reason to change it)
1) I won’t get hurt again if I don’t go out and meet new people. 2) I don’t have to really face my feelings. 3) It’s become easy to avoid life.	1) I’m miserable. 2) I miss my friends. 3) I can’t even watch a full movie – I’m so distracted and antsy.

Read Module 1 reports from the other learners.

Jenny	Ann-Marie	Steven