Mark - Module 10

So, one day, I just decided to take the leap and spend a day cooking things that my ex-and I would cook together (this was one of the things that we loved to do together). It actually really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I had feared that the smells would get me reminiscing about old times and would make me feel really sad. I did miss have someone to make everything with and then share it with after, so in the end, I called a buddy over who was more than happy to help me devour all that I had made. It actually turned out OK.

So, after the cooking exposure, I decided to leap into the second exposure on my hierarchy (it actually happened that the buddy I invited over to dinner decided to have a party the following week, which he encouraged me to attend). I completed the form since I figured this would be challenging, since it was the first party I’d be attending solo since the break-up.

• Exposure task: Going to party solo

Before the exposure:

• How distressed you think you’ll be (0-100): 70
• Thoughts, feelings, behaviours you notice before the task (i.e., what’s the worst the thing that can happen?): Worst thing would be feeling like a loser for not having a date and/or feeling sad when seeing other couples interact and missing that
• Likelihood of the worst case happening: It’s pretty likely that I’ll have these feelings, but they are just feelings. It’s probably just part of the process
• Evaluate the evidence for or against the likelihood of this happening. Has it happened before? Have you always feared this situation? What are some reasons you should not fear the situation? What are some other explanations for your feared thoughts?:
• It’s pretty likely that I’ll have them, I guess the big thing is reminding myself that it’s not the end of the world if I feel a little sad, just feel the feelings, it’s not like I’m going to be alone forever (I really hope)

After the exposure:

• Thoughts, feelings, behaviours you noticed during the exposure: I was feeling pretty anxious leading up to the party, wondering who’d be there. When I got there, it wasn’t too busy yet, so I got to hang out with my buddy and chat. Probably the hardest part was seeing some people I hadn’t seen in forever, who apparently didn’t know about the break-up, and having them ask me where she was. It was hard to talk about the break-up – I really haven’t talked too much about it, but I was surprised that I didn’t get all choked up, like I thought I would. Perhaps I’m moving on.
• Number of minutes you did the exposure: Was at the party for 3 hours
• Maximum level of distress experienced (0-100): 90 when asked about ex
• Distress when you stopped the exposure (0-100): 10
• Anything you did to avoid your emotions (distraction, safety signals) – nope, was pretty good I think
• What did you learn from this exposure? Did your worst case happen? If yes, how did you cope with it?:

That I’m not the only single person in the world, there were some others there. Actually, I learned that there can be some upsides to not have a partner – I could stay as long as I wanted and I didn’t have to worry about whether she was having a good time. I felt a bit sad, but then started to talk to people and catch up and had a good time

Read Module 10 reports from the other learners.

Jenny	Ann-Marie	Steven